There are several sayings I use day to day that, if I'm honest, I don't fully understand. Some because they make absolutely no sense, others because I've simply never bothered to Google them.

"Bumped uglies" was one of them.

For years I thought it was an informal, slightly self-deprecating way of saying you'd had some sort of verbal exchange with someone. It is not.

I discovered this after recording a podcast with an incredible guy called Andy, who helps kids deal with trauma through wilderness therapy. Recording the intro afterwards, I confidently announced that I'd recently "bumped uglies with Andy."

I pushed it live.

Not long afterwards, I received a panicked phone call from my colleague Amy who informed me that I'd just told the world I'd been banging Andy.

Every day's a school day.

Another phrase that must absolutely torment non-native English speakers is "the shit." It's an extraordinary little grammatical manoeuvre. Add one tiny "the" and shit,  traditionally something quite bad, suddenly becomes the highest possible accolade.

My kids haven't yet learned to vocalise the feeling of "the shit", but there are two nights in the Brydon household that unquestionably qualify.

The first is Movie Night. This generally involves the kids dragging every duvet, blanket, pillow and soft toy they can find downstairs and turning the living room into some sort of fabric-based refugee settlement.

The second is Pizza Night. Frozen. Takeaway. Homemade. Doesn't really matter.

Pizza Night is the shit. But when Movie Night and Pizza Night collide? Full fucking pandemonium in our crib.

So on one of our recent balmy evenings, Luna and I decided it was time to take Pizza Night outside and make the shit on the fire.

Actually, "make the shit" doesn't sound right at all.

Neither does "cook the shit."

Christ. I've completely lost control of this.

We made pizza on the fire.

Here's how….