Once upon a time, children went outside armed with bmx’s, a packet of Monster Munch and boundless imagination.

‘TEA’S AT FIVE!’ Mum would yell as you pelted out the gate, shirttails flying.

A cluster of trees became a jungle. A brook was a raging river that needed urgent damming. A log over a ditch was a bridge that your friend charged you a conker to cross. You’d come home with soggy trainers and a story so wild your bangers and mash went cold while you told it.

But we have a problem, see.

Some silly people with PhDs have created an infinite world of screen based entertainment; the witches finger teasing children from the land of free-play to the cave of instant algorithmic gratification. 

One more video. 

Go on.

Meanwhile, puddles sit unsplashed. Plasters gather dust. Clouds remain nameless. Potential swords lie about being sticks. And under a rock somewhere, a beetle is getting on with its day without a five year old breathing Wham bar fumes into its face.

I get it. I’ve handed over the iPad so I could cook dinner in peace and i’ve heard myself say ‘go outside and find something to do’ from the sofa while scrolling my phone.

Anyway, I’ve built a games console.

This is a sophisticated piece of hardware designed to solve a very real problem; a games console that wants your kids to go outside.

The UX is very simple: Answer 5 questions and The Unplugulator gives you 3 real world adventures with instructions.

Pick one. Open the front door. Go.

You might find yourself up a tree eating a squashed cheese sandwich. Or crouched over a rockpool while a crab the size of a flying saucer squares up to you. You could bake a cake inside an orange over a fire, catapult a marshmallow over the garden fence or get up in the dark to eat a bacon bap on a hill as the sun comes up.

Not all are food related.

Go bikepacking. Seedbombing. Hike a unicorn. Build a bird feeder. Make rope from nettles. You could even sleep in a den on a school night. There’s a particular thrill in brushing your teeth in the woods when you’ve got double maths in the morning.

WARNING: There are side effects, though. Oh yes.

Sore thumbs from splinters. Strange objects in pockets. Woodsmoke in the pillowcase. Grass stains and blackberry teeth. A kid who wants to go out in the rain. Who keeps stopping everyone to listen. Who reckons the world still has things to find.

So come on then, let them get lost…

and catch a nasty bug.

Get them into nightlife early…

and sit in front of a live stream.

Let them talk to strangers…

Heck, introduce them to smoking!

That’s the bit I want our kids to have. Curiosity about the natural world. A love of adventure. The particular outrage of being called home just when things were getting good.

The console is fictional (for now) but the adventures are very real.

And the free online beta is now ready to play….

Pick an adventure. Go Outside.

Tea’s at five.

Henry